


take this to heart

by dogbuns



Category: To The Moon (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, neil and eva hug and take a nap thats it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 05:17:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18276551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogbuns/pseuds/dogbuns
Summary: 60 min challenge.Eva Rosalene never took failure very well, but something about this latest case had her especially on edge. Neil notices.





	take this to heart

**Author's Note:**

> originally done for this week's [60 minute challenge](https://twitter.com/TtM_Series_60m/status/1110874143346618369) but ended up becoming longer than i expected (like, three hours instead of one) so this is really more of it's own thing now, just following the "how can i calm down?" prompt
> 
> bear with me i did this all at 4 in the morning
> 
> edit: added art to the end that i actually did in under 60 mins for the challenge part, still publishing early since im busy tomorrow yeehaw

Coming down from a mission never failed to daze the doctor, no matter how many cases she'd been on through the years. Her thoughts swam in a haze as she lifted the helmet from her head, squinting at the sudden flood of light. _Too fast_ , it always ended too fast, but this time fate had been crueler than usual. She blinked away tears as the last memories of the overworld came rushing back, everything crumbling and flashing and there really should've been more _time_ -

The familiar sound of the machine shutting off shook Eva from her stupor. She fiddled with the helmet in her hands, still warm from use, before her partner took it from her grasp, a little more forcefully than usual. Her fingers followed it, trying to hold on, but Neil wordlessly shook his head and began to pack it up next to his.

His hands moved swiftly, and before Eva knew it, she was also running on autopilot, grasping the family doctor's hand in a firm shake and whispering practiced condolences to the family before hurrying out of the apartment. In her haste, she'd almost forgotten she wasn't alone, until she shut the door and heard someone crash into it from the other side.

“Christ, Eva,” Neil rubbed at his forehead with one hand, sweeping the floor for his glasses with the other. “Are you _trying_ to turn me into our next patient?”

Too soon. His jokes were always too soon. “Sorry,” she muttered, handing him his glasses before turning to leave again. “Maybe if you'd walked a little faster, I'd let you live.”

“Very considerate of you,” he called out, and she could hear his grunts as he tried to pick up the machine again. She only quickened her pace. “H-Hey, wait! Eva!”

On any other day, she'd slow down, keep Neil in her sight so he doesn't get himself killed. But today, a fog clouded Eva's thoughts, leaving her with nothing but a desire to _leave, leave_ , leave. Her nails bit into her palms as she quickened her pace, mind racing. _Run away, run away. You're pathetic, pathetic, pathetic._ It wasn't until she got to the company car thay her violent train of thought skidded to a halt, by a pair of smaller hands grasping her own.

Neil looked up at her, wildly out of breath, the machine already tucked away in the backseat. How fast did he have to run to beat Eva here? A pang of guilt rang through her chest, and she tried her best to swallow it down. She watched as her reflection on Neil's lenses shifted into a furious expression, forcing out any signs of weakness.

“Let go of me,” she snapped, trying to wriggle her hands out of Neil's grasp. But he held on tight, and she caught his brows furrowing behind his spectacles in frustration. “Neil, come on, I need to drive us back.”

“What's the hurry?” he teased. “Are you actually looking forward to doing all the paperwork for _this_ mess?” Eva shot him a deadly glare, and she watched his expression wash over with regret as he released her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

“Thank you. Now let's get the pineapple out of h- Hey!” Before Eva could stop him, he moved to fight over the keys in her pocket, wrenching them out of her hand. “Neil, give that back!” She lunged at him, but the technician just stuck his tongue out and ducked under her arm, diving into the driver's seat.

“Kidding! This is absolutely _not_ okay! No way I'm letting you drive while you're like this.” He fastened his seatbelt to stand his ground, then gestured the empty seat next to him. Eva crossed her arms and huffed.

“What's that supposed to mean? While I’m like what?” Neil just shrugged and closed his door on her, causing a flurry of swears to spill out before she reluctantly conceded to the passenger seat. Neil didn't pay her anger any mind, already turning the ignition. Eva felt the rage rise up her throat. “What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“What’s wrong with _me_?” Neil chuckled. “You're one to talk,” he said, turning his attention back to the wheel. “If you glare any harder at the dashboard I think you're gonna burn a hole in it.” He smirked and flicked the radio on, and for the first time she'd actually wished he brought along his anime soundtracks instead of playing his so called 'driving music’. The soft instrumentals dug up her unwanted sorrows, biting at her ribcage, heart hammering as if it threatened to burst. Eva quickly shut it off and turned away from view before her partner could press her any further.

Neil constantly threw questions and worried glances her way, but Eva only closed her eyes and tuned him out, nails digging themselves further into her palms in a weak attempt to fend off tears. It wasn't until she felt the car pull over to a stop did she jolt up, looking around in a panic.

Her partner had parked them next to a little musty motel just a little off the highway, still hours away from the city. “What the hell, Neil?” Eva glared daggers at him, but he only gave a halfhearted shrug in response.

“Just taking a break,” he said, gesturing at the window. The sky was beginning to darken. “You know I don't like driving in the rain.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hey, d'you _want_ me to run over another squirrel?”

“Argh!” Eva slammed her elbows down on the dashboard, pulling at her hair. It frustrated her how easily the situation had flipped; she'd always taken pride in being able to keep her composure. It felt like it was just yesterday when Neil was the one off kilter, emotions brewing a storm over Johnny's case. He tried to rest a hand on her shoulder now, and she immediately batted it away. “Cut the crap. What do you want?”

“You’re _scaring me_ , Eva. And usually _nothing_ scares me!” Neil puffed out his chest, but quickly drew back when he saw his partner's expression unchanged, his own receding to a worried glance. “Seriously, this isn't like you at all. Could you just... calm down a little?”

“Calm down?” Eva snapped back with a near-hysterical laugh. “Are you serious? In case you forgot, we _failed_ this mission. We _failed_ and she _died_ and it was all my _fault_ ! How could I _possibly_ calm down?!” Her face was inches away from Neil's now, and she could almost make out the terrified look in his eyes. She felt her own breathing grow ragged and she furiously swiped at her tears. She absolutely hated failing, even more how easily it upset her. How _dare_ she be the one crying now, when she couldn't even fulfill such a _simple wish-_

The doctor snapped back to reality when a hand came down on her shoulder, and before she could sweep it away again, Neil spoke up.

“Eva,” His voice was uncharacteristically soft now, almost vulnerable. “Just talk to me.”

Something in his tone struck her, and Eva felt something crumble in her heart. Anger melted away, overcome with her sorrow. Breaking down her walls, her emotions rushing out all at once as she curled in on herself again. But as soon as her hands moved to pull her hair out once more, she felt Neil gently brush them aside, wrapping his own arms around her shaking frame, causing her to freeze up.

It was an awkward embrace, Eva could feel it in the stiffness of his body; this wasn't something he was used to. Neil was never one to show physical affection. She thought he might even be actively avoiding it. But he held her close, now, and she could feel his heart hammering in his chest against her own. Perhaps he really was scared for her, enough to go as far as this. She buried her face into his shoulder, fists balling up in his lab coat, shoulders shaking.

“I failed her, Neil,” Eva stuttered as she spoke. “If I didn't keep stalling during memory hops, maybe we wouldn't've wasted so much _time,_ but I…”

“That wasn't your fault. I know how sibling cases can get hard for you.” Neil rubbed her back awkwardly, and she held him tighter, shifting them both into a more comfortable position. Eva wondered when Neil picked up on that insecurity of hers, but he was always able to read her like an open book. “If I read the file more thoroughly, maybe I could've just handed this case to Alistair, but-”

“That's not it,” she sniffled. “We're not supposed to let personal feelings get in our way. And it _is_ my fault for letting someone die _alone_ for it!”

Neil paused. “You can't blame yourself for these little slip-ups, Eva.”

“But-”

“No, listen to me. You _can't_.” Eva felt Neil push up his glasses. A nervous habit, even though she couldn't see. His voice was on-edge now, a tone she'd only heard between the two of them. “We're not here to play god with people's memories. We're only human, trying to pick up the pieces when our patients couldn't. We don't expect them to be perfect- we're sure they aren't, actually. And neither are we.”

Eva sniffled. “She just wanted to be with her sister. I couldn't even give that to her.”

“... It wasn't under our control to begin with.”

A chill ran down her spine. It always hurt to remember the work they did existed only in their minds, that what Neil calls “leaving the world with a smile” was always fictional from the start. It was something they both tried to keep at arm's length to make it through countless cases and protesters, but at the end of the day, it was something they both did well to remember. She had nothing more to say, her sobs wracking her body as Neil held her tighter.

After what felt like ages, Eva pried herself from his shoulder, grimacing at the tear stains she'd left. For once in his life, Neil held back from making a comment, instead pulling out tissues from the glove compartment and offering them to her with a small smile.

“Thanks…” she said, wiping at her eyes. “This… This stays between us, okay?”

Neil chuckled. “Anything you say, as long as you don't go slamming doors in my face again.”

“I'm sorry.” Eva felt tears prick her eyes once more as she mentally berated herself for getting so agitated, but Neil just flicked at her nose.

“Nope, I don't accept apologies from you!” He playfully crossed his arms. “But next time you come into work, don't expect me to stop at a bucket of water over your door.”

That managed to draw a laugh out of Eva, and Neil beamed. “You know I don't fall for thumbtacks on my seat either, right?” she teased.

"And here I was thinking I finally got you back." Neil gasped, dramatically clutching at his chest. “You wound me, Dr. Rosalene. We're not _twelve_ anymore.”

“Really? Because I distinctly remember you sitting on your _own_ tacks in senior year."

“Wh- that was _one time!_ ”

Eva fell back giggling, and despite being at his own expense, Neil joined her, easing into an old familiar rhythm. Not for the first time, she was thankful for having Neil by her side. It was always easy to fall back into their usual banter, easily sweeping any vulnerability under a rug.

The sound of thunder rumbling cut into their exchange, and Neil quickly sobered up, wiping a tear away. “Well, Eva,” he said, reaching under his chair. “It looks like it's getting pretty late. We'll never make it back before the office closes.”

“What?!” She yanked her sleeve back to check her watch. “Cucumbers. You planned this, didn't you?”

Neil smirked and pulled out two umbrellas, handing one to her. “I believe the _correct_ response is, 'Oh, thank you, Neil! I didn't want to file those reports, either!’”

Eva rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the side. “You're the worst.”

“I think you mean 'the awesomest’, dumpling.” He moved to pull the machine out of the back, balancing the umbrella over his shoulder. “You coming?”

“Ah…” She hesitated, the shock of the day's events still rolling over in the pit of her stomach, a feeling of dread that Neil couldn't completely shake. “Actually, could you go on ahead? I think I'm gonna call Traci.”

“Suit yourself.” He began to walk towards the motel, whistling to himself.

“Wait, Neil!” Eva called through the window. “Get a room with _two_ beds this time, okay?!”

“No promises!”

Eva chuckled, rolling the window back up before pulling out her cellphone. Her heart stopped when her sister didn't pick up the first few rings, but soon enough the doctor found herself sobbing into the receiver, repeatedly making sure Traci was here, and safe. The call lasted well over an hour, phone charges be damned. They talked about anything and everything; about their family, about work, about the past and how it was behind them. Neil popped in to check on her halfway through, tossing her a spare room key before ducking back out into the rain. He didn't pry, and Eva was grateful.

"That Neil's still an idiot," Traci commented. "But I'm glad he was there for you, today. God knows you work too far from home." Eva could only hum in response.

It wasn't until Jamie had to be tucked into bed did Eva realize how late it was. After double, triple checking that their family was alright, she finally hung up, sighing as she melted back into the chair, the last of the day's anxieties finally fading away. The rain continued to pour outside, and Eva decided it was time to finally put this terrible day to rest.

Much to her gratitude, Neil _did_ end up getting a room with two beds, but she found him hanging off the side of one, passed out from exhaustion. The Sigcorp machine was sitting in the middle of his mattress, bright screen still glowing with the mission logs. He must've been editing it for their reports again, and Eva made a mental note to apologize for her behavior later, thinking of all the chatter he had to cut out. She sighed and shut the system off, before proceeding to pack it up.

Either the machine was heavier than it looked, or she was too exhausted from her own emotional rollercoaster. It refused to budge, and Eva had no choice but to leave it as is and move it in the morning. She couldn't just leave Neil lying half on the floor, however. Thankfully, compared to the machine, he was as light as a feather. It almost scared Eva with how easily she was able to pick him up. His head lolled against her shoulder as he stirred. The doctor froze, afraid Neil would wake up in her arms and she'd have to explain herself, but he only mumbled something before resuming his snoring.

Eva sighed, gently setting her partner down on the next bed, figuring she could take the chair this time. But before she could get back up, a hand weakly tugged at her shirt. She looked down to see Neil lying on his side, wearing a troubled expression even in his sleep, pulling at her so she wouldn't leave.

It wasn't often she saw Neil so unguarded, his reflective lenses abandoned. He looked even more worn out than she did, bags lining his eyes like bruises and a cold sweat on his brow. It occurred to Eva that he himself had kept eerily quiet about their newest patient, for all he fussed over his partner about it. She couldn't recall the last time he'd even spoken about his _own_ family, skillfully deflecting the subject each time it came up. He always made a point of closing his emotions off from the world, and this case seemed no different.

A soft whimper was all it took to make her decide as she slipped herself under the covers next to Neil, running a hand through his hair and recalling how he'd done the same for her, not too long ago. She watched as the worry in his brow began to smoothen out, but just as she was about to close her own eyes, Eva felt an arm wrap around her waist. It wasn't the hesitant, awkward embrace he'd given her earlier; it was warmer, almost desperate. Eva considered prying him off, but Neil looked more at peace than he had all day, and her tired mind decided that she owed him one.

Explanations and paperwork were a problem for another day, she figured. Nothing mattered right now except for the feeling of Neil's head pressing against her shoulder as Eva held him close; content to let both their worries melt away, if only just for one night. Tonight, nothing else would matter, but two people who deserved to find solace in each other, and the sound of rain to lull them until morning came.

**Author's Note:**

> i still dont like my writing please dont look at me
> 
> [title](https://youtu.be/KZ3YY1i-VBg) / [fullres](https://66.media.tumblr.com/413cad874fd6595f7b010f5b06da15f0/tumblr_pp51o8qXz31qixl5ro1_1280.png)


End file.
